Tuesday, July 2, 2013

On being enough.

Every Wednesday Zack and I pack up our car and head “into town” for his weekly indoor soccer games.  As a supportive wife, I love to watch his games—win or lose.  Plus, it doesn’t hurt that my cousin (and best friend) plays on the team with him.

soccer twins(sometimes they even accidentally match)

Last week after their game, the team and I went out to a local bar to celebrate their victory. (Ok, they might have lost 5 to 1…but they put up a good effort anyways. :)  The team was planning for their next season, when 2 of the girls on their team mentioned they wouldn’t be able to play.  The attention then shifted to me, everyone wondered why I never played with them—they offered me a spot on the team.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am no soccer star.  In fact, I haven’t played soccer since 6th grade…and even then I was never that great.  But the thing is, it’s a casual league.  There is no pressure to be some soccer stud, as long as you’re trying.  I know that the team would be supportive, and it would be a lot of fun…

So then why when they asked me did I politely decline?

The more I started thinking about this, the more I have realized the bigger issue—not only in this soccer scenario, but in my life overall…

wedding day bliss

I strive to be an excellent wife, as I’m sure every married woman does.  But one constant struggle in my head and in my heart is that I’m not good enough

I am not an excellent cook (yet!), I hate putting away laundry, and the bathroom I get ready in is a wreck daily.  Does any of this really matter? No, of course not.  Zack loves me.  He loves who I am, and my heart.  Are these stereotypical wife duties essential to being an excellent wife?  Absolutely not… so then why do I struggle so much with them?

moving day

When Zack and I moved we started a new career together, one that we hope to continue for a long time in the future.  As our time there grows, and as we gain more and more responsibility, I have become gradually overwhelmed.  I have started to have nightmares about the pressures and stress we will one day have.  I genuinely know that this is where God wants us, I can feel that in my heart… so then why am I having these feelings of inability?

When I started this blog I wanted to tell all my out of town relatives about it so that they could keep up to date with what Zack and I were up to… The only thing is, I never shared with them the link!  At first this was just a matter of forgetting, but then as I continued to write and share my heart on this little space, the idea of opening it up to everyone in my life was scary.  What would people think about these thoughts and feelings I rarely express out loud? 

A few weeks ago I finally sent the link to these family members—those whom this blog was originally created for… but since then, I have failed to write any genuine posts, ones like these, which I have been so proud of because they truly express my heart, and the lessons God has been teaching me.

What do all of these scenarios have in common?

Feelings of inadequacy.
Not believing that I am good enough,
and able enough to handle
the situations that God has lead me to.

morning devotionals

Not too long ago I started a Bible reading plan via my YouVersion app to read the Bible in chronological order.  The past couple days I have been studying Exodus, and to be completely honest… I don’t think this was any coincidence.

One thing that is clear in the beginning of Exodus is that God chose Moses, this ordinary guy, to do some pretty extraordinary things… but Moses, like myself, struggled with some serious feelings of inadequacy.

Here are the lessons that have resonated with me thus far in my Exodus reading. (Courtesy of my Life Application Study Bible)

    • God does not ask us to go where he has not provided the means to help. (via Exodus 4:1) I know that God has lead me to where I am now for a purpose.  He won’t lead me to anything I am not prepared to handle—it’s just up to me to trust this.
    • God sometimes takes joy in using ordinary things for extraordinary purposes. (via 4:2-4) A relationship, a career, a blog?  I am learning to trust that God has a bigger plan for every scenario in my life.
    • It is easy for us to focus on our weaknesses, but if God asks you to do something, he will get the job done.  We can trust he will provide the words, strength, courage, and ability where needed. (via 4:10-13)
    • We must be willing to let God help us. (via 4:14) Moses’ feeling of inadequacy were so strong that he could not trust even God’s ability to help him.  Sometimes I do feel so paralyzed by fear and anxiety that it blurs my ability to see God at work in my life.  I want to recognize this fear when I have it, and move on—trusting that God is at work in every situation.
    • God sees us in terms of what we will become and not just what we are right now. (via 11:7) His plan for us are greater than we will ever know—his time tables are lifelong where a lot of times we get distracted by our plans right now.  We don’t know what he is up to—but we can be confident in knowing it will be something great, because it is his plan for us.

Studying Exodus and reading these words is doing a number on my heart.  I don’t want these feelings of inadequacy to cripple my ability to get out and DO.  I want to take advantage of these opportunities God has given me so that I may show others his glory through my life.

God took Moses’ characteristics and molded them until they were suited to his purposes.  I have been reflecting lately on how should I use my own abilities and strengths to do God’s will in my life.

As a wife, a working woman, and even as a blogger, I want to live up to my full, God-given, potential.   In every situation I am adequately equipped to succeed because my creator, the One who created my inmost being, will be with me.

I am learning to remind myself, and recognize daily that in every situation…

I am enough.

via

How do you cope with feelings of inadequacy?

8 comments:

  1. Such a great post! I think feelings of inadequacy are such an easy one for satan to use.....for me it is a constant act of choosing to remember God's word. Of handing it back over to the Lord over and over and over. Some days it is an hour by hour struggle! And I also look back over the last few years since I came to know the Lord and wow! To see all the times that He has carried me, equipped me, used me when I was unable to do what was asked in my own strength....taking time to reflect and remember can help me to grab hold of Him a little tighter and trust Him and His plans! =) Love your heart and your authentic way of sharing ~ thankful for you!

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  2. I definitely struggle with inadequacy a lot... and it's so hard to stop it sometimes. This post was so eye-opening and uplifting for me. Thank you so much for sharing your struggles and what you've been learning about it! It's so true– even when I feel so ordinary or inadequate, God can use me for His purposes in so many amazing ways! He definitely knows what He's doing when He calls us to be His. Love reading your heart, girl!

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  3. I have written on this topic many times before and am still learning. Thanks for reminding me that God has and will continue to take the ordinary and make it extraordinary! XO

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  4. I feel like I need to say YES to everything you just wrote. I, too, struggle with feeling like I'm not good enough--not good enough at blogging, not good enough to get into school, not good enough to pursue photography (and the list goes on and on). But like you said, God is strong, God uses our weaknesses, and through Him, we are strong. Thank you for that reminder!

    And one thing I've found that helps me is that if I let it, my list of inadequacies could go on and on forever. But so could the list of all the things that God is amazing at. So I choose God, not my failures or insecurities.

    Of course, I'm not perfect and my mind seems to like to choose the first list...so I'm definitely a work in progress!

    Thanks for sharing from your heart today AND I'm so proud of you for sharing your blog with your loved ones! It was a tough thing for me to do, but it lifted a huge burden, too! :)

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  5. Wow, Angela! Thank you for sharing your heart like this! I think so many of us struggle with feelings of not being worth it. It's such a blessing that God truly does view us as worth everthing and able to do whatever he asks of us. What a great change it would be if we all viewed ourselves as God views us!

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  6. This is such a beautiful post. So sincere. Thank you for sharing.

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  7. It's completely true that even when, in reality, we aren't enough....God is always enough. It's can really be hard to remember that in each specific moment, though. What helps me is to think that it's not about me, it's about an almighty God who is way more awesome than I am. Because of Him I can accomplish things that I feel way too small for!

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  8. I'm finally catching up on my blog reading after a crazy week, so I just read this. Honestly, I was wiping tears away by the end of it. I honestly feel like this could have come straight from me. I struggle with inadequacy so much. I feel like a lot of the time it blocks me from stepping out of my comfort zone and making steps toward my dreams--even though I'm seeing God try to nudge me toward them more and more. I hate that I let fear and self-doubt control so much. This was exactly--and I mean EXACTLY--what I needed to hear this week. Beautiful post, Angela. Thanks so much for writing it.

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